No Pickles!

It's Thursday night. I am at the local McDonalds. It's busy and there are four lines going strong. I am second in line at my register.

You know that scene in Jurassic Park where the ground vibrates and you see it in the cup of water and the puddles on the ground? It's the part, where you know something BIG is coming. You can't see it yet but you KNOW it's coming and it isn't gonna be pretty!

That's what I felt. BOOM....BOOM...BOOM....I turn to my right, just in time to see this monolith of a woman pushing her way through the waiting customers. In her hand she has an unwrapped Cheeseburger. The crowd parts as she approaches. Someone's small child is almost stepped on...... Her sheer size takes up two checkouts.

With a resounding slap, she slams the Cheeseburger on the counter in front of the 15 year old Makkas dude and says...."I said NO PICKLES!" The Makkas boy pees his pants, stumbles back as he resists the urge to go to "Flight" and races off to get Monolith Woman a cheeseburger with No pickles.

She looks at the person next to her, glances to me and the other Makka's connoisseurs and with a roll of her eyes says... "Every time I come here....THEY stuff up my order (Stabbing the Makkas kids with her eyeballs). Every week...they get something wrong!"

Wow....there are so many things running through my head that I could say there and then. Obviously, self preservation kicks in and I shut the hell up! I am only 5 foot short and I know that this woman could eat me in one bite and she wouldn't even burp afterwards!

So, in the theme of this blog, I save up all these thoughts, and as you know, you always think of the good things after the fact! (...and with much drunken discussion with valued friends).

• Lady, just take the frickin pickles off yourself. Seriously, how hard is it? Unless you have some anaphylactic reaction to pickles and anything they touch, then it's a simple lift, pick, pull, replace action. Then Voila, Pickle free burger. Of course those movements sound a Liiiiitle bit like "exercise" but trust me, it's not.
  
• It's a $2 burger. It's not like you had to pay a $500 booking fee to hold your place in the Makkas line because the World class personal Chef of Her Majesty Queen of England has been flown in especially to make you a burger. Like I said...Take the frickin' pickles off yourself Princess Fiona!
  
• It's TWO pickles. They are not even whole pickles. Just two translucent, gauze like and almost invisible slivers of pickle discs. Do you really think those two pickles are going to affect your calorie intake for the day? I think not. They wouldn't even register an extra ripple or vibration on the Jurassic Park BOOM BOOM scale! (edit-I Googled...I know, I know, no life...anyway, one Slice of Pickle is under 1 calorie)
  
• They stuff up your order "every time, every week"? Oooookaaaay...that says a whole lot right there. Who keeps going back to somewhere where they are constantly dissatisfied? Not once, not twice, but every week???? Say, if I went to a shop and the staff there kept throwing bananas at me, and I didn't like it and then I went back and they did it again? Fuck that shit...I'd never go back there ever ...AND I'd tell all my friends. "Don't go to THAT shop Man! They throw Freakin' Bananas at you!" I wouldn't go back EVERY WEEK to get bananas thrown at me. I don't care HOW good their Burgers taste! I don't like having Bananas thrown at me!
  
• It's not like it's the ONLY Makkas in this big ass metropolitan CAPITAL city. Go to another Makkas store lady! There are 5 within a 8 second drive from this one! Sure the Makkas you go to now might have to lay off a few staff because they won't be selling as many burgers as they used to, but on the UP side, the NEW store you choose to frequent will BOOM in Profits!! You, Monolith Princess Fiona lady, could just go suburb to suburb and take turns raising profit at the various take-away franchises! Recession Solved!!
  
• Let's be honest here. You could just maybe go less to Makkas all together. I am sure your arteries, heart, Liver and joints as well as our ailing health care system would appreciate it. Beside, that'll leave more for us!
  

FINALLY... (Thanks to aforementioned drunken discussion with valued friends)...

• He's a 15 year old KID. He can't even get out of bed, clean up his room , wash his clothes or shower on a regular basis without his mother screaming at him.He gets paid the equivalent of 2 of those cheeseburgers an hour and you expect him to MAKE YOU FOOD YOU CAN EAT!???
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You know, I have been thinking about this. (enough to be considered "not healthy of the mind") Of course the more you frequent somewhere the more you raise your chances of getting "bad service". Like flying in a plane, the more you fly, the more chance you have of being in a plane crash!

...but... Every Week, Every Time??? Even those odds are a little too far fetched,even if it was an over exaggeration by Monolith Princess Fiona Lady.

I figured it out.

This lady is SPORT to the bored Makkas Staff! Pure and simple. They DELIBERATELY stuff her meal up, just to see how far they can push her before she explodes and truly snaps. They know she comes in so regularly, and it's fair to say that they probably know what she regularly orders. No doubt, they have a "pre-loaded pickled" pickle-less burger, made just before she is due to come in! I would even go as far as to say, that the 15 year old Makkas dude that served her was probably set up by the more experienced Makkas girls n guys, as a weird form of Initiation. I guess it's better than being dumped in dirty sink water at the end of the night!