A crap start to the day ....We got up on time and all was well. Kids were fed and dressed. It was a little later than I bargained...but hey.
We were down stairs and in the car by 25 past 7. Girl Child was to go next door to H's, but I wanted to drop her out the front to be sure that she was inside ok.
So we all get in the car.....I reach up to adjust the rear view mirror. ...and Eeeeeeeesh....Oh My god, there is a Spider about the size of a milk bottle lid sitting on it.......
No wait.....Look closer via Mirror....it's not ON the Mirror....it's on the rear window of the car...
No ...Wait .....a.....minute......
I look back over my shoulder to the rear window....It's INSIDE the car on the rear window...and it's Fk'g HUGE !!!!!!!!!
In a Blinding white panic I scream at the kids....GetOutOfTheCar!!...GetOutOfTheCar!!...GetOutOfTheCar!!!...!Get your bags and get OUT of the GODDAMNED Bloody Car...NOOOOOOW !
So there I am ...Standing in the middle of my communal underground garage....hands on hips...Pacing...Hyprventaliting... "OhMyGod...Oh My god...OH MY GOD...it's fk'n huge...Oh my god"...
I send Girl Child upstairs to get the fly spray....and the broom. I don't know why.
I am panicking. I know that I am not going to be able to kill the hairy beast, let alone get it's huge grotesque hairyassed corpse out of the car.
I run upstairs and ring my work mate...(Yes..i left the children in the Garage alone with said 8 legged HB.) ...
"I'll be late" I manage to sob tearfully into the phone.
"Oh ...What's happened...are you Ok?..are the Kids ok?.......She gasps..
"There's a huge Mother Fk'r spider in my car....
Bloody Huge...Megs...FK'N Huge....I can't ....It's....It's like...Fk'n HUUUGE...."
"OK OK...I get it..."
"No...Megs...It's HUUUUUUUGE
...."It's alright....have..."
"No..it's Not..it's NOT alright...it's fk'n huge and I can't...."
"Ok ok...I know...I know...you are scared...it's ok...slow your breathing down...is there anyone there who can get it?... .
"No...well..I think the neighbour is home..."
"You want me to come and get you...and kill the spider?"
"YES...but you have to kill it...I can't leave the car with it still alive in there..."....
(Yes..Yes... I know...
...I just asked my friend to drive all the way here, from Sydney city...just to come and kill a spider in my car!)"Are you sure....?" Meg asks.
Was that just a snigger I heard on the phone then?
"No...wait..I will do it...I need to face my fears..
I can do it....I can DO this"Megan assures me she can come and help if I desperately need her to...
I go back downstairs. JUST in time to see the guy that owns the car parked next to ours...putting a jacket and brief case in the back of his car.
" ExcUuuUUuuse me!!!
... How good are you at killing spiders?""Aaaaaaahhhhhh.....well..."
"I would get my husband to do it, but he's gone to work already and I am a HUGE Aracnophobe"..*insert nervous embarrassed giggle here*.Don't want him knowing the man of the house is away.
He says "Ok"...I am like ..."Oh...thank you thank you"
The gentleman grabs what looks like a serviette out of the back of his car.You know one of those decent sized square ones....
"It's on the back window inside the car" I say, “It’s Huge"....He gives me a little glance...Like he's saying..."Huge Huh?....Whatever lady"....
He opens the car door and just before he pops his head in....I realise that he HAS to do this properly....He can't half do it...injure it...and make it angry and hairy and running around annoyed like, in my car.
So I tell him..."OK...You HAVE to kill it FIRST go...you can't just half kill it...and it can't run away...because if I can't see where it goes I will never get in that car ever again....and I would REALLY appreciate it if you could take it's body out of the car...and there can't be little bit's of it left.....I'm so sorry but Like I said..I am a Huge arachnophobic!"
Man looks at Girl Child and Boy Child....And the kids are just nodding.
..Uh huh!"So he opens the rear door and pops his head in...And even HE's like..."JEEEESUS...that IS big.."...and I am like..."I KNOW!!!!
He gets back out....OPENs up the Serviette he had in his hand, because he knows the way it was...was just not going to be big enough.I am standing there..in the middle of the underground car park...with the kids...watching a complete stranger climb in my car, to battle the She devil of all spiders.
I dance and jiggle on the spot...my body is getting ready to do "flight or fight" thang....I am betting...and you KNOW it...it will be "Flight".
See ya later kids...fend for yourselves....
THUNK!!!......That's it...I am jiggling up and down doing circles on the spot and shaking my hands like a voodoo dance queen squealing like a baby pig stuck in a trap....
The Kids are like "YAY... .".
...The man says...”Do you have a cloth or something because it type of gooped on the window"....
I grab some random cloth from the garage...I don't care if it's got Petrol or acid on it...just as long as the man gets the Spider guts out of my car.
I thank him profusely forty times...in rapid succession.
He says it was "nothing" and goes to give me the cloth that he just used to clean up Arachnogizzards from the inside of my car.
+in my head+..."Aahhhhhhh...Excuuuuuse me
.I am WAY not touching THAT after you wiped up spider guts with it!"
"Girl Child...go and put that in the bin"....Good little girl does as asked.
SO that was the start to my day....I was 45 minutes late leaving for work.
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